Odds & Ends

Coffee Shop Etiquette that Really Should be Common Sense But Still Happens Waaaay Too Often

This was originally published as part of yesterday's The Moka-Lattay-Cheeno-Presso Writer, but I decided to make it a standalone post instead. Mondays are made for humorous rants (and coffee). Believe it or not, the events below are things I've actually seen happen. So, here we go.

Coffee Shop Etiquette that Really Should be Common Sense

  1. I don't care how nicely manicured your feet are. Please do not take your shoes off.
  2. While sitting on a shared wall seat, don't shake your leg. We can all feel the seat move.
  3. A single should not sit at a table large enough to accommodate four or six or even eight. I don't care how many books you have.
  4. Don't hog bandwidth by playing Starcraft or watching porn.
  5. Support your local coffee shop. Buy something. Don't bring fast food into the establishment then get huffy when you're asked to leave.
  6. Use the outlet by your table. Not the one on the other side of the store.
  7. Don't let your children run around screaming like banshees. Their toys do not belong all over the floor.
  8. Don't shush someone who's having a conversation. It's a freaking coffee shop. Go to the damn library if you need absolute silence.
  9. Ladies, if you're going to use the restroom, don't pee all over the seat.
  10. Also, the weirdo who bags her poo and THEN dumps it into the toilet causing it to flood all over the place needs to stop. Please, for the love of all that is holy, STOP.

Random Encounter

I'm at Safeway self-checking out. This big dude in his forties or fifties ambles over to me. He works at Safeway. Gives my N7 bag a look. I'm thinking he's about to accuse me of stealing groceries or something. He growls, "So...you ever been on the Normandy?"

My eyes light up. His does too. Then we start chatting about Mass Effect and Skyrim.

Random Encounter

"You look so familiar," some guy says to me while we're in line at Starbucks, "Are you a well-known writer?" I give the guy a huge smile. Inside, my mind is all like, "FLWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I LOOK LIKE A WRITER!!! THAT'S, LIKE, HALF THE BATTLE, RIGHT??????"

Some of the crazy must've slipped out because he backpedals and runs away before I say a single word.