On Being Sith

My grip tightens around your throat. My fingers rip through flesh even as violent convulsions rack through your body. Mouth agape. Eyes bulging. My heart pounds with yours, and I inhale the acrid scent of desperation whooshing outward as you scream. The scent of rage and fear suffuses the air around us. It fills me. There is an energy all around us pulsing in time to those who are strong with the Force. Surrendering to this darkness allows us to transcend the boundaries that limit ordinary men. We see not with our eyes; we move not with our bodies. We are pure energy rippling across the galaxy in consummate ecstasy.

On the night I murdered my mother, this energy surged through my veins for the very first time. I was old enough to recognize her failings as a parent but still naive enough to believe I could secure my standing in the world by entering into an ill-fated contract with black-market dealers: my mother’s liver in exchange for a week’s supply of food.

In an alley on Nar Shaddaa, her hands batted against mine in a futile attempt to break free from my grasp. She’d merely been an easy means to an end. The kill nothing but a simple business transaction to help fill my aching belly. The plan was simple: kill, dissect, profit.

But memories of how she used and abused me filled me with sudden rage. I bounded her, gagged her, then sliced her from chest to groin. I watched my mother’s heart, laid bare inside her chest, stubbornly cling to life.

The jarring juxtaposition of life and death struck me, and in that moment, a boundless exaltation seized me. Electricity licked my skin. A surge of heat shot through me. My awareness expanded a hundredfold, and I felt the life and breath of every living thing around me, including the feverish delirium that was my mother’s rapidly fading consciousness.

I died with my mother that day. Drowned with her as a black void overcame us both. When I awoke, only darkness remained, and its presence continues to guide me even long after I left for Korriban to follow the ways of the Sith.

One day, I may grant you the gift of life through death. Embrace it. Accept it. In your final moments, as you take in your last breath, you will finally know what it means to be alive.

You will finally know what it means to be Sith.